Blackout and Experience [Sugawara Koushi X Reader]

Not that it was unusual, but Sugawara was walking you home after a date. The stars were already like diamonds high at the night blue sky. You were always happy to go out with him, and it made you smile if he could walk you home during a clear night full of stars. Your fingers were crossing with his, forming a ball of flesh which happen to be both of your hands. It was not very cold, but the cool gave you some goose bumps.

„Are you cold?“ His voice seemed like a soft whisper, and you answered with a nod. Both of you didn't want to let go of the other’s hand, so Sugawara twirled you around like you were dancing. You found yourself in his arms, and he was kind of hugging you from behind. You felt his warm breath on your skin, and his body with yours. „Better?“ He asked. „Yeah, now the problem is that we cannot really walk.“ You giggled as he seemed a bit confused about what you said. „Eh… Right. I better walk you home now, so you wont catch a cold.“

After a walk with holding hands and some random but cute kisses you two arrived at the small metallic front gate which led to your house. „Come in, I make us tea.“ You invited him inside, but he politely refused. „It is already late, and I have practice tomorrow. I would love to come inside but I cant. I had a wonderful day with you, by the way.“ He kissed your forehead and turned around to leave, but you held the sleeve of his jacket. „Please?“ You asked with a slight beg in your tone. He sighed and gave you a smile. „Okay, you got me. But I only drink a tea and then I’ll leave, okay?“

You got your key out and walked up with him to your front door. After spinning the key in the lock, the door swung open and complete darkness welcomed both of you. No one was at home, so it was only you and Sugawara. You must admit your house looked a bit scary when the lights were out, but at least Sugawara was with you. „Come in first, I will turn the lights on.“ You took your shoes off and hopped to the light switch. You pressed the switch down, and it made a Click sound. That sound was swallowed by the darkness which was surrounding you, and for some reason it was still. You repeated turning the switch on on and off, but nothing happened. Dark stood dark. Blackout.

„_____, is everything alright?“ You heard his voice like a whisper behind you. You turned around and bumped against something soft, probably his chest. „Ah, Im sorry, I think I stood to close to you.“ He apologized with a nervous short laugh at the end, and you wrapped his arms around him. „_____?“ „Don’t leave me here in the darkness…“ „Shall we find our way to the living room? It is better if we have at least a seat.“ „No…“ You mumbled into his shirt. Yes, you were a scared in the dark, but it was not so worse because Sugawara was with you. „I will lead the way. So if someone bumps against something, it will be me.“ His words made you giggle a bit, and then you unwrapped your arms from his torso.

„Hold my hand. You'll be okay with me.“ His words were more comforting than you thought, and you reached out for his hand. There was still a problem: It was dark as fu- dge. Confused were his hand was, you randomly grabbed somewhere where it could have been. You felt some kind of fabric, not very soft and a bit stiff. Sugawara groaned.

„_-_-_-_____! Th-That’s not my hand!“ „Huh?“ „Just let go of there! Please!“ You were not thinking fast enough to count one and one together, and for some reason you squeezed whatever you were touching. „Kch!“ A clicking sound in Sugawara’s throat, which you’ve never heard before, was close to your ear. „Sugawara?“ Suddenly you felt his fingers on your hand which were grabbing the rough fabric. „There… My hand.“ He said, and his voice sounded robotic. You let go of the fabric as quick as you could and held his hand. It was a bit cold, yet filling you with warmth.

He led the way through the dark. It was going slow and with care, but at least you two were not bumping against anything. The room to the living room was open, so there was no additional hurdle. Another good thing was that the windows in the living room were big, so there was light from outside coming inside. The couch was visible, as well as the coffee table and some bookshelves. The wooden floor was squeaking under your feet, giving the whole scenery something scary. Every step was taken carefully, since no light from outside reached the dark, wooden floor.

You somehow made the way to the couch without hurting yourself on anything. The room was quite  cold since the heater was also shut down due to the blackout. You took a sit on the comfortable seat, and Sugawara took one next to you. The room got darker and darker after a while since the sun was setting, and soon the room was in complete darkness. Only the red standby light of the television was glowing like a red hungry eye towards you. You must admit, it was scary. You snuggled into your boyfriend’s shirt, and you could smell him. He smelled nice in so many ways that you couldn't describe it with words.

„_____, do you have candles or anything like that? It really is getting dark.“ „Uh… I think I still have some candles around from christmas… but the problem is I really don't know where they are.“ You lied to him while leaning back, out of his hug. The candles were somewhere in the back of in the bookshelf next to you, but the darkness took over your bravery to get up and search them. Yes, you were watching too many horror movies lately, and you were scared something might happen.

„Say, Sugawara, what did I touched before?“ You asked out of curiosity. A bit for understanding, Sugawara loved you for many reasons, such as your kindness, your intelligence, but also for your innocence. Whenever your friends talked about their experiences, you mostly couldn't understand what they were talking about. Once you were asking your friend for explanations, but she just laughed and said that you will know someday. She also said that you could ask your boyfriend, but you were embarrassed, afraid that he will get a different picture of you.

The grey haired male said nothing. Your eyes slowly got used to the dark and you could see how his jaw moved, but shut again to its original position. He kept opening his mouth to say something, but closed it immediately. Was he embarrassed or just did not know what to answer?

„Sugawara..?“ Inside of you, little by little, a slight feeling of guilt builded up. You felt you asked a question which should not be asked. „Its… It is just like I don't know how to answer you. I feel like… it is not very appropriate.“ His voice was a bit nervous and shaking. Yet he tried to stay as calm as possible. You remembered, your friend said with a grin on her lips that whenever a guy said something is inappropriate to tell it contains something sexual.

You were even more curious now, but you knew the answer already: You accidentally touched his private parts. It was cold, but you could feel how your cheeks were burning up from the shame. „S-S-S-Sugawara..! I am so sorry! I couldn't see anything and-„ „No! Don't apologize! You didn't do it on purpose, so, uh, … I cant just say forget about it. I mean I was fine with it since you are my girlfriend - wait, no, that sounds wrong. I mean I was fine with it because you are my girlfriend, but it felt awkward…“ He stopped talking and took a deep breath. He was as embarrassed as you, you could clearly sense that.

An awkward silence was breaking your comfortableness in your dark house next to your boyfriend. The time felt like being stopped. You didn't know how to start a conversation with him, nor what to talk about. The silence made you hear the strangest things, such as water slowly dropping out of the tab or the clicking of your watch around your wrist. A silence which would have made you panic if Sugawara wouldn't be there with you.

„Su… Suga… I really am sorry…“ You whispered to unbreak that maddening silence. Seconds later you felt how his arms was put down on your shoulder. His other arm went pass your belly and grabbed your hip. He was pulling you closer to his body, and soon you were able to smell him again. His nice, comforting smell in your nose was the only thing that could chill your mind.

„I told you not to apologize. It was not your fault. I just stood too close to you.“ He tried to kiss your cheek, but his head was lower than he thought, and his lips met the skin of your neck and an accidental moan filled the air around you and him. Your eyes were wide shut and you pushed him away from you. „_____ I-I-I-I didn't meant to do that! It is pretty dark and I couldn't see anything!“ Again, there was that awkward silence like before. This time it was super uncomfortable. You felt like you need to talk, otherwise it would stay like this until they lights were on again. Suddenly, because of the memory of your friends and the happenings, a question which was only in your mind came across your lips.

„Do you have any experiences?“ „What?“ „Do you have any experiences, like… you know… se… se… se… sexual ones?“ Your last question was as shy as growing flowers, innocent but curious to explore. „Well, since you are my first girlfriend, no.“ Sugawara did not hesitate to answer your question. He was calm and his voice was confident. „Well, do your friends have experiences?“ „Why are you asking me that _____?“ „Well… my friends are talking about theirs, so… maybe your friends were talking about theirs too…“

Okay, now you felt weird. Guilty weird. Why would you want to know if his friends have experiences? „They have, I guess. They talk sometimes about it.“ His voice had a bit of melancholy in it, monotone and sad. „Why do you ask?“ He continued. Your face turned red, but luckily it was still dark. „I… I am just curious… It seems like a lot of people in our had their experiences already.“ „Well, what about you?“ He asked, and you could feel how the couch pillow you sat on was slightly giving in due to Sugawara coming closer.

„No, me neither… It just makes me a bit curious. Having your friends share their experience around you makes you want to experience the same feeling. I know it sounds weird, but that is how I feel…“ Your mouth shut and you remembered what your friends were talking about. Suddenly, you were remembering how one of your friends talked about how she felt when she got kissed on her neck from her boyfriend. A sweet, lustful feeling of sensation and happiness. That was how she described it. That was how you felt when he kissed your neck by accident.

„Why are you starting to talk about it? Did something happen?“ He asked. You shook your head only to realize moments later that it was still dark and that he couldn't see you. Well, somehow he already should be able to see your outlines since your eyes were more and more getting used to the dark. Your eyes were not different from his, in fact every human eyes were the same at some point. So you could assume his eyes were as used to the dark as yours.

You twirled your thumbs and looked down. The moon was shining at the other side of the house, so the darkness on the wooden floor was swallowing your feet. You wanted to tell him that you want to be experienced too, but why now of all the moments? You two were alone, and it was dark. In some movies you saw what could happen between two lovers in the situation. Little by little, your innocence grew apart from you, but Sugawara did not noticed. He thought you were still that innocent girl he met for the first time in the first school year of Karasuno High, but deep inside you’ve changed to a girl who was not as innocent as before.

You could say your white pureness turned a bit gray over the years.

„Suga, how innocent do you think I am?“ You ask as you turned your head to him. Just now you were noticing that he was very close to you, and you were able to see the details of his face a bit. He was smiling at you, but it was not his usual smile. It was something… new.

„First the question about sexual experiences, and now that question. Seriously, _____, if there is something just tell me. I am your boyfriend, you know.“  You sighed. Until now you were always able to tell him whenever something was bothering your mind, because you know he understood you. You couldn't understand for yourself why right now was a problem. You took deep breaths, and then you decided to tell him.

„I wanna know how my friends feel… I want to be able to share my experiences with them too! I don't wanna be the girl that just sits there and listens to them! I want them to listen to me too!“ Silence and darkness. Nice. You just made the whole situation very awkward.
Sugawara laughed a bit. It was a nervous laugh, and it seemed a bit that he forced to do it to break the silence. „See, _____, I think that when you force it to happen it wont be very nice as first experience.“ You could understand him, and you knew he was right. He just wanted you to be happy in the entire relationship, without having any bad memories or experiences.

… Or was he scared?

„Suga, aren't you curious how your friends feel during their experiences, too?“ You asked. Of course he was, you could tell for sure. Sugawara stood silence, and you could see how his silhouette posed with his arms on his thighs and his head down. He looked like he was thinking about something. You said nothing. You were not even moving. You just watched him in the pose for a while, and that while seemed like a little forever.

„I don't think Im ready yet. I cant do it. Sorry“ He whispered into the darkness. You saw how his head was turning into your direction, and for one moment you saw his sadness in his eyes. „Suga? What are you sad about?“ „I don't know what your expectations for today were, but I cannot meet those. I feel like I am disappointing you. It is not like I don't want to have that experience too, it is just that I don't feel that we are - I am not ready right now.“ He sighed and turned his head to the floor again.

„I understand you. I don't want to force you. It needs to be something nice for you too.“ You smiled and gave him a kiss on the cheek. „Don't feel bad about it. I will wait until you are ready.“ You continued. He sat up straight and looked at you. He responded to your smile with one of his.

„_____, I might not be able to give you a full experience now, but there is at least something I can do.“ He said and came closer. You thought he was going to kiss your lips, but his lips passed them. „Huh? Sugawara? What are you-„ Your eyes were wide shut again.

You felt his lips on your neck, sucking and nibbling on it.

„S-Suga~“